Winning Online Profile And Attract A Date

Online Dating: 13 Tips To Write A Winning Online Profile And Attract A Date
by: Alison Edwards

How long do you spend getting ready for a night out? At a guess I would say that if you’re a woman you can probably spend 1 hour upwards preening and titivating and if you’re a man you can be showered, shaved and out of the door within 20 minutes (unless, of course, you’re a metro-sexual in which case you probably take longer than a woman!).

Now let me ask you how long you would spend (or have spent) writing a profile for an online dating site? Less than 5 minutes, possibly 10 minutes maximum?

When you consider that you literally have minutes to impress someone and stand out from the rest in the online dating scene, don’t you agree that more time and effort should be put into writing an online profile?

If you are an online dater, I’m sure you will agree with me that when you are searching for a partner online you will first of all look at the profiles with photos and, secondly, you will look at the profiles where people have taken the time to write something about themselves. So if you have no photo and/or an incomplete and uninformative profile, don’t be surprised if you inbox isn’t full to the brim with messages!

I’m going to share a few tips with you to get you started writing an eye-catching profile. Once you’ve read them take some time to think about what you are going to write and jot down some quick notes before hitting the keyboard.

1. Grab a friend

If you don’t like writing about yourself or think you are going to get writer’s block it’s a good idea to enlist the help of a friend; the kind of friend who is always saying to you “I can’t understand why you’re still single, you’re such a catch”. Ask your friend what your star qualities are and he or she will come up with a million and one positive things about you which you would have never thought of or dared to say about yourself.

2. Strike a pose

The most effective way to get noticed online, is to include a photo. Choose a clear photo that shows in your best light and preferably smiling - it makes much better viewing!

3. Choose a fun username

This is the name which you will be known as by members on the dating site. I would advise you to use a name other than your real name to remain anonymous. Try and choose a name that is fun and reflects your personality, i.e. Sporty Sam or Disco Queen. Do not use a name which is sexually provocative or offensive.

4. Captivate your audience

Make your profile really stand out so that any person reading it will think “Wow, I have to get to know this person!”

Online dating sites have made it easy for you when completing your profile by providing drop down menus for basic questions such as your appearance, lifestyle, hobbies but you will also be given additional space to write something yourself. Use this space wisely to provide a more detailed description about your personality, your interests and what you are looking for. The key is to be confident and talk positively about yourself without coming across bigheaded.

5. Don’t leave an empty space

If you feel you have covered everything by answering the profile questions – please do not leave the additional space blank or write “ask me”, “tell you later” or “I don’t know what to say”. Members will see your profile and think you’re either not serious about dating or that if you can’t be bothered to put some effort into writing a profile you will have the same approach in a relationship – effortless! Instead extend on the information already provided, for example, if you have stated you like travelling talk about some of the places you have visited.

6. Ask questions

If there is a particular place you visited and fell in love with, ask anyone who has been there to get in touch with you so you can reminisce together. Asking a question in your profile makes it easy for other members to respond to.

7. Be Honest

Don’t lie about interests; you will get found out! For example, don’t say you love long walks in the countryside if you really like to dance the night away in nightclubs every weekend. You’ll attract the wrong person and waste both of your time.

As with any other kind of dating, it is always best to be honest from the start so answer all questions honestly and finding your perfect match will be much easier!

8. Show your funny side

I think if you can make someone laugh or someone makes you laugh, you’re on the path to a good relationship. Show people that you have a sense of humour, e.g. talk about a scene from one of your all time favourite comedies and you may strike a chord with someone else who found the same thing just as funny as you.

9. Dream a little

Write about your dreams and ambitions. If your dream is to travel the world but you haven’t quite got round to it there may be someone out there who would like to share this experience with you. If you’ve been lucky enough to fulfil your dreams, share your story with other members.

10. Don’t mention the ex!

Ok, so you may have just come out of a relationship and be feeling sad and lonely but don’t write about it. It will put a lot of people off and you may come across desperate, which is not an attractive trait. Make online dating a new start for you and promise yourself not to dwell on past relationships.

11. Your expectations

What are your expectations from joining an online dating site? Tell people the kind of relationship you are hoping to find but don’t say you are looking for marriage if you are really looking for a casual fling and vice versa. Again, you will waste both of your time.

12. Write a chapter, not a book

By this I mean, don’t tell your whole life story in your profile. I encourage you to provide as much information as possible about yourself but use short bursts of information, sectioned by paragraphs, rather than writing a long essay so whoever is reading it is intrigued to find out more about you.

13. Be safe

Finally, do not include any personal information in your profile, e.g. your e-mail address, home address, work address or telephone number. A reputable dating site will remove any personal information before it appears live on site; this is to ensure that they provide you with a safe online dating environment.

Once you’ve completed your profile, read through it or ask a trusted friend to read through it and ask, would you reply to this person? If yes, it’s all systems go. If no, look at the areas where it can be improved until you’ve created that winning profile. It may take longer than 5 or 10 minutes but the results that will show in your inbox will be worth it!

Valentine's Day, Fairytales and Finding Your Soul Mate

Is it really any wonder that we're in so much trouble as a society when it comes to marriage and relationships when you look around at the various media portrayals of what an ideal, healthy relationship might look like. Let's start with a popular ballad about the expectations you might have of your soul mate:

"I don't care who you are, where you're from
Or what you did, as long as you love me."

What a beauty! Talk about co-dependent low self-esteem as the end goal.

Then there's the big line from the movie Jerry McGuire:

"You complete me."

What is that? Are we really walking around as pieces of a soul mate jigsaw puzzle, waiting to find our missing piece in the form of another person or be doomed to a life with our incomplete self? I don't think so.

Now before I go any further, the point here is not to destroy your enjoyment of popular songs (that I can admit to humming along with) or movies (that I actually enjoyed). Rather, I want you to put them into some much needed perspective.

They're fictional, these stories didn't happen, they're not true. And it's a good thing too!

Go back to the song's lyrics for a moment and read them again and imagine what that relationship might look like. And this time don't sing the lyrics, just read them as a statement.

I love this exercise, because when you take the message out of the context it was presented to you, well, it's not quite so romantic is it?

Unfortunately, as a society we're taking this form of subconscious relationship advice in by the truckload. We don't examine the actual message because we're too swept up in the emotions they trigger. And what's the end result? We have a society where the popular belief is that fairytales can come true.

I'm sorry, but the fact that it is theoretically possible for a street prostitute to end up with a handsome billionaire as in Pretty Woman, is not a good reason to wait around for your own knight in shining armor to come riding into town on a white horse. Likewise, it's very doubtful that a delightful, princess of a woman is going to magically see through your outwardly destructive behavior, to the man for all seasons that lies within.

And then there's the doozie that we've all fallen for in one relationship or another, that "love" will conquer all. The Beatles lied when they told us "All You Need is Love", because they left out all of the other components that you need in order to find, and keep your true soul mate.

You're going to need to be very, very clear on exactly the type of person you want in your life, the kind of values they would have (as well as clearly knowing your own values).

You'll need to have a healthy and developed sense of respect, for yourself first, and then for the person you're inviting into your life.

You'll need to master the art of direct, truthful and sincere communication and be prepared to hold yourself accountable for using it.

You'll also need trust. Trust in you, and trust in your partner with a clear understanding of your mutual agreements and the consequences for breaking them.

And of course you'll need to learn the techniques necessary to apply all of these components with your partner.

We claim to all want rich, loving relationships, yet it's been my experience that people are mostly treating their relationship like it were a game of chance. Think of it like this; finding your true soul mate and creating your ideal relationship is the equivalent of playing a round of golf with someone and each of you shooting par on every hole ... does it make sense to try to do this without taking lessons or instruction from someone who has played to that level before?

Of course not.

You don't get lucky or unlucky in love. You either get the necessary knowledge, and through its application create what might look like "luck" to an outsider, or you continue to enter into relationships hoping that the next one will be "the one" or that the one you're in currently will spontaneously evolve into the relationship of your dreams.

Your soul mate is out there, you just need to decide how important it is that you find them.