Valentine's Day: A Funny Valentine Poem

This rhyming Valentine's Day poem, "Since My Valentine Got A Computer," takes a light-hearted look at Internet addiction.

Since My Valentine Got A Computer

Since my Valentine got a computer,
My love life has taken a hit.
Nothing I say is important,
Unless it’s a byte or a bit.

Before she got her new laptop,
Everything was just fine;
Now she says we can’t talk
Unless we both go online.

"But honey," I said, "I’m attached to you;
Love is what I feel."
"That keyword isn’t relevant,"
She said, with eyes of steel.

She clicked the keyboard furiously;
The screen was all she could see,
And then to my horror and shame,
She started describing me:

"Your motherboard needs upgrading;
Your OS needs help, too.
And you definitely need a big heatsink
To cool your CPU."

"Don’t flame me, my sweet," I pleaded.
"Not on Valentine’s Day."
"Fix the bugs, and I’ll see," she said,
While looking at me with dismay.

"What ever you want, my darling;
Whatever you need; you call it.
I’ll upload or download anything,
And then I’ll go install it."

(Her hostile CD keeps replaying,
And though I don’t want to fight her,
Is this what I want for a Valentine?
I’ve been burned; can I rewrite her?)

"Are you all hard drive now," I asked;
"Is there no software in you?
Don’t you remember the good times?
Let our memories see us through."

"LOL," she said to me, chuckling.
"You’re nothing but adware.
I’ve got a gig of memory;
I’ve got no problem there."

"Please, honey, we can save it," I said.
"Our love means more than that."
"That’s not in my cache; we’re going to crash,"
She said, as she turned me down flat.

(This woman has really changed;
Do I really want to chase her?
More and more I’m thinking
It might be nice to erase her.)

"Aw, honey, don’t talk like that," I said.
"Can’t we just plug and play?
I hereby accept default,
And I’m yours, my love, come what may.

"My goal is to make you happy;
I want to be your portal,
But your sudden, distant coldness
Would test the strongest mortal.

"If we need a brand new interface,
So we can FTP,
I’m your go along, get along guy,
And I want you to stay with me."

"If you want to get into my favorites," she said,
And you want to get past my encryption,
If you want to get through my firewall,
Here is my only prescription.

"First, put up your own Web site,
And e-mail me when it’s done.
I’ll check your page rank with Google,
And tell you if you’re the one."

My life has become quite a trial,
Since my Valentine got a computer.
If I want her to care about me again,
I guess I’ll have to reboot her.

Falling in Love Is Not for Cowards

You've been dating several weeks, and you have a feeling he might be the one. He calls when he says he'll call. He shows up when he says he'll show up. Your friends like him, and he's nice to your cat. He's doing everything right, and you're pretty sure he's everything you ever wanted in a man.

But you're not sleeping well. Your hands shake when you pour a cup of coffee. You're distracted at work. And people keep asking you, "How's it going with the new romance? When's the wedding?"

You're freaking out.

What's wrong with you?

Well, nothing, really. You've reached the point in a new relationship where everything seems to be going well, but part of you is terrified that suddenly it'll end: He'll stop calling. He'll meet somebody else. You'll discover his dresser drawers are crammed with women's underwear.

And your fears are right and natural. Every time he does something right, you fall for him a little more. You're scared because you've only just met him, you don't really know him, and he holds your heart in his hands! Your mind races with questions: If he's so great, why isn't he married? Why didn't his last relationship last? And so on.

You find yourself fighting the urge to call his parents and closest friends for character references.

Let's face it. Falling in love is not for cowards. It takes strength, confidence, and poise. It becomes tempting to dissect every gesture, every snippet of dialogue with a well-meaning friend who is only too happy to advise you on your new relationship.

But don't do it.

Think of your new relationship as a seed you've planted in the ground. The seed needs time to germinate and break through the soil, but every time you discuss your relationship with a third party, you dig it up. The relationship is no longer a potentially sacred thing between two people but the subject of speculation for many others. You've robbed it of its specialness and mystery.

Avoid the temptation to ask a friend, "What do you think he meant when he said...?" Ask him instead. If he does something that bothers you, tell him. Keep the relationship between you.

Adopt a "we'll see what happens" attitude. It takes courage, definitely, but it's worth it. Give your burgeoning relationship the sun and water it deserves. Only you can decide whether a man is right for you.

Please trust yourself to do that.

Ending Relationships - Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Should you stay with your partner or leave them? Is all the pain you suffer in your relationship worth it for the good times you have together? Will it really be worth all the pain of leaving them or is it better to stay and stick it out?

In most relationships there comes a point when you have to decide whether your partner really has the qualities you need to stay together. Making the decision to stay or go is almost always a very painful and confusing time as there generally isn’t a quick fix or an easy answer to your questions.

I have a friend in a fantastic relationship who taught me that if it’s hard work it’s probably not working. This was an alien concept to me. I come from a therapeutic background which can sometimes promote the feeling that if it’s not hard work it’s not worthwhile. Years ago I made it my mission to figure out what made relationships work; there seem to be two approaches – one more successful than the other!

Two Approaches to Relationships

The first is ‘don’t expect too much from your relationship and it will work out just fine!’ Some things are always going to be problematic. So what if sex isn’t so important to one of you? So what if one party can’t be relied upon to keep their agreements? So what if you never get to go on the holidays you really want to go on because your partner hates to travel? This may well work for some but it’s just not in my nature. As far as I’m concerned, good enough just isn’t!

The second approach is to insist on great chemistry; to find a partner who isn’t perfect, but is perfect for you. The two primary areas you need to match up in are sexual chemistry and best friend chemistry. You’d think these two would be obvious to most people, but you’d be wrong. People make compromises on these points very early on and then wonder why they spend the rest of their lives hurting.

Great chemistry doesn’t mean it’ll be easy all the time - that would be unnatural. It means that you’re excited and committed enough to work through the glitches as they arise rather than let them stack up. A stack of resentments is so much easier to set fire to.

Working Out Whether to Leave

So the biggest piece of work I have clients do when they ask me to help them decide to stay or go is to get them to design their perfect partner. You may think this strange if you’re already in a relationship - but it’s just as valid now as it is when you’re single. So, what would be perfect for you?

The things you should focus on as you’re already in a relationship should be more emotional and behavioural in quality. Once you’ve sorted out what is perfect for you, you can start to ask yourself questions about your current partner to see if they meet up to your ideal. Does your loved one treat you with the level of respect you expect? Is he affectionate enough for you? Does she make enough time for you? These aren’t necessarily questions that apply to you. Ask yourself the questions that matter to you once you’ve worked out what ideal is for you.

A couple more questions you may want to ponder - If twenty years from now your partner hadn’t changed in any significant way, would you still be happy as their partner? Would you consider your life together to have been more about adventure or more about endurance?

The strange thing is we often know what the problems will be in a relationship many years in advance. The only question is, when will you handle them? We all know the longer you leave them the more painful it gets.

Work out now whether you should stay with your partner or leave them – get a free, 9 page ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ report.

How I Got Rid Of Jealousy

I am ashamed to admit this but I used to have the green-eyed monster tailing me wherever I went. It was my shadow and my other half.

Of course jealousy justified its presence and suspicions. It was there to protect me. Jealousy kept telling me what I should be doing and feeling. It even told me what my partner was up to and how he should be behaving and feeling toward me.

Did I believe jealousy? You bet I did. That went on for years until I learnt a few painful lessons and decided that it should go and leave me alone for good. That happened too late though.

My suspicions when jealousy set in cost me broken relationships, distress and a deep plunge in my self-esteem and worthiness.

Having gone through what I did, I have a few points here to assist you from allowing jealousy to ruin your life.

The first thing to do is to simply make a decision to get rid of that feeling. That means telling yourself that you have had it with the attitude of being suspicious, distrusting and possessive.

Next start saying different things to yourself. Jealousy is going to remind you that if you focus on other things, your partner may abandon you. Tell it firmly that you are in control and you want to choose your own thoughts.

Have respect for yourself. If your partner abandons you, put your hurt behind and start life over. If he actually cheats on you, he is not worth your time and effort. Your life will continue to evolve no matter what happens, if you decide to make it so.

Learn how to trust and expect good things to happen. One of the reasons why we suffer is because we unconsciously expect bad things to happen. Develop faith and confidence in your relationships. It promotes better understanding, avoids stress and gives you a peace of mind.

Learn how to communicate effectively. One great tip, don’t nag. Here’s another, don’t bring out old issues and mistakes. Both irritate and put a stop for further constructive conversations.

Learn to listen without interrupting, judging and probing. Allow him to talk and finish his sentences. If you must ask, do it with the intent to seek understanding. He can tell from your words, gestures and body language if you are sincere.

Now the last but most important thing is to learn to love everyone including yourself unconditionally. No strings, no bargains and no threats.

Do You Know What Romance Is?

Romance is the spice of life. It's not difficult to visualize how dull and boring life would be without romance. Have you ever paused to wonder what it is that brings enthusiasm in life? Romance is that elixir that makes you vibrant, vivacious and full of vitality. Everyone has their own idea of romance and romantic ideas, what are your ideas of romance?

In the lines, by Shirley Bassey "I'd like to run away from you, but if you didn't come, and find me ... I would die." the essence of love and romance has been beautifully depicted. Romance is something that gives comforting touch to one's heart. Someone who's sensitive about his or her beloved's need, is romantic. Just being a hard-core romantic and not demonstrating your love openly is so unromantic. You need to put other work aside and show to your sweet heart that you care for him or her. The idea of romance can be as simple as a peck on a cheek, a warm hug or just uttering those three miraculous words "I love you." These gestures appear romantic when your beloved is least expecting them, otherwise they are the boring hackneyed way of saying that you care. Novel romantic ideas are like, "life and blood" of any romantic relationship.

For some people romance means the spirit of adventure, a sense of anticipation of the unexpected, a view of exciting spectacles at every bend of the road. For many others romance involves the mysterious and the unknown. Like 'magic casements opening on the foam of perilous seas,' as Keats would put it. Romance sweeps in all the treasured experiences from the mysterious to the magical and the miraculous. Yet for most of us romance is an expression of love. When we talk of romantic ideas we refer to all the little things that can keep the flame of love burning bright in our hearts.

We all know that it isn't enough to love a person; it is equally important to express our love in a relationship. Love without expression is as good as not there. You need to show your love, not only in words but also in gestures that speak louder than words. You have to devise novel ways of letting your love know how much you care. You have to find new ideas to express your love every day, if not every moment. Thinking of novel ways of saying 'I love you' is what romantic ideas are all about.

Everyone is not a poet, yet everyone needs to kindle the flame of love lest it fades away. This site on romantic ideas is a treasure house of fresh romantic ideas. The charm of an idea lies in its freshness, and nothing goes stale faster than ideas. So, look for absolutely novel romantic ideas to let the warm Love in!

National Hugging Day ... Reach Out and Touch Someone

As you button up your shirt, you ask, “So, what’s your diagnosis, doc?”

He pauses and then replies, “It appears you’re suffering from touch deprivation.”

Somewhat taken aback, you sputter, “Is there a special treatment for that?”

Smiling, the doctor answers, “Yes … lots and lots of hugs.”

You heard the doctor. It’s time to reach out and touch someone. No excuses now. Today, January 21 is National Hugging Day!

This warm and fuzzy holiday was created twenty years ago by Rev. Kevin Zaborney, of Caro, Michigan. One thing for certain, the man definitely chose the right time of year for this holiday. Who wouldn’t want to cosy up to someone during this cold, blustery month? Now although not officially a “national” holiday, many embrace it all the same … with the other person’s permission of course.

The word “hug” has many definitions and is believed to have originated in Scandinavia, akin to Old Norse “hugga,” meaning to comfort. Other definitions include an affectionate embrace or to clasp or hold closely. Whatever the definition, hugging is a gesture of love, of warmth, of caring … benefiting people both physiologically and psychologically.

Did you know that hugging increases the body’s endorphins (morphine-like substances in our blood and nervous systems), relieving us from pain and creating a mild euphoria? Medical facilities and treatment centres across the globe are realizing its true healing value, and now use hug and touch therapy for the treatment of pain, depression and fear in their patients. One could almost say that hugs are natural painkillers.

Unfortunately, some researchers on the subject of hugging have revealed less favourable findings. For example, some studies show that children deprived of hugs during their infancy risk growing up incapable of loving others, suggesting that a child raised without any hugging can become a psychopath or sociopath.

Virginia Satir (1916-1988), noted psychotherapist and family therapist, offered the best prescription when she advised, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

Many of us underestimate the value of hugging—the power of touch. Its effects are immediate, both the hugged and the hugger profit from the experience. And what is especially nice about hugging is that it’s not limited to only the hurting and the lonely … hugging is for everyone!

Top Ten Benefits of Hugging
1. Costs nothing
2. Boosts your immune system
3. Builds self-esteem
4. Fosters self-acceptance
5. Alleviates tension
6. Helps curb appetite
7. Saves heat
8. Is portable
9. Requires no special setting or equipment
10. Feels incredibly good!

Wow, talk about benefits! Who wouldn’t want to celebrate National Hugging Day! Come to think of it, why keep it to one day? Why not make every day a hug somebody day! Reach out and touch someone today … with their permission of course!

Fueling the Fires of Passion

What do you do when your marriage becomes routine? For many of us, the everyday routine of work, childcare, and bill paying extends to our lovemaking with our spouses. But, no matter how long you’ve been married, there are plenty of ways to spice up your love life. Let’s start in the bedroom – the hub of hubba hubba!

Gentlemen, start your engines

• Decorate your bedroom with pictures of yourself and your partner. Choose pictures that bring back happy memories of times you had as a couple. For instance, your wedding, a special date, or a vacation. Avoid hanging pictures of relatives: family pictures belong in the family room. It’s a real turn-off to see your grandparents and in-laws scowling at you while you’re naked and ready for romance.

• Speaking of mood: mood lighting can work wonders for a bland bedroom. Soft lighting helps to warm the atmosphere and it makes people look sexier too. You want to be able to see what you’re doing, without blinding your partner or having to grope around clumsily in the dark. Install a dimmer switch for a bedside lamp. Some people like to buy black lights (UV light bulbs available at Lowe's or Home Depot) because the bulbs create the appearance of a sexy tan on your bodies.

• Roses, orchids and other scented flowers can fill your room with romance. Scented candles-especially lavender and pumpkin-are a type of aromatherapy that many people find arousing.

• Lock you door! If you don’t have a lock, get one. It’s almost impossible to lose yourself in the moment if you’re worried that you will be found out any minute by an intruding child.

Ladies, start his engine

Now that the bedroom is ready for action, it’s time to use it! Ladies, sometimes it’s best to take charge and turn him on for a change. Why should he have to instigate everything? Here are a few tips to get his motor running.

• Make the first move and continue to direct the action. Men get tired of having to call the plays all the time. Having a woman take charge will be something out of a fantasy for him.

• Arrange a night out, but keep your plans a secret. What could make your man feel more special than to have his loved one plan and pay for an intimate evening together?

Another way to show your partner that he is desired is to play up the little things.

• Leave little love notes in his lunch box and on his pillow. His coworkers might give him some grief at first. But, every other man will be wishing his wife left notes for him.

• Demonstrate a bit more affection in public. No need to embarrass him or make him feel uncomfortable. But mini massages, kisses on the cheek and toying with his hair are ways to let him feel that he is desired. Let the world know you’re in love. Let the world - and your man – know that you just can’t keep your hands off him. That’s a real ego boost for a man. He’ll appreciate it and feel flattered.

• Dress up once in a while. Toss off the flannel and turn up the glamour. Strut your stuff and remind him how beautiful you really are. When you were dating, you dressed to impress and to attract. Dress tonight like you dressed when you were dating

Every couple has their own ways of showing affection. Also, every couple needs to be comfortable with new ways of demonstrating romantic gestures. So, try some of these suggestions. See which ones work best for you-and for him. Doing the things you did when you wanted to get married might just be the things that help you stay married. Turn back the romance clock, and turn on the fun.

Winning Online Profile And Attract A Date

Online Dating: 13 Tips To Write A Winning Online Profile And Attract A Date
by: Alison Edwards

How long do you spend getting ready for a night out? At a guess I would say that if you’re a woman you can probably spend 1 hour upwards preening and titivating and if you’re a man you can be showered, shaved and out of the door within 20 minutes (unless, of course, you’re a metro-sexual in which case you probably take longer than a woman!).

Now let me ask you how long you would spend (or have spent) writing a profile for an online dating site? Less than 5 minutes, possibly 10 minutes maximum?

When you consider that you literally have minutes to impress someone and stand out from the rest in the online dating scene, don’t you agree that more time and effort should be put into writing an online profile?

If you are an online dater, I’m sure you will agree with me that when you are searching for a partner online you will first of all look at the profiles with photos and, secondly, you will look at the profiles where people have taken the time to write something about themselves. So if you have no photo and/or an incomplete and uninformative profile, don’t be surprised if you inbox isn’t full to the brim with messages!

I’m going to share a few tips with you to get you started writing an eye-catching profile. Once you’ve read them take some time to think about what you are going to write and jot down some quick notes before hitting the keyboard.

1. Grab a friend

If you don’t like writing about yourself or think you are going to get writer’s block it’s a good idea to enlist the help of a friend; the kind of friend who is always saying to you “I can’t understand why you’re still single, you’re such a catch”. Ask your friend what your star qualities are and he or she will come up with a million and one positive things about you which you would have never thought of or dared to say about yourself.

2. Strike a pose

The most effective way to get noticed online, is to include a photo. Choose a clear photo that shows in your best light and preferably smiling - it makes much better viewing!

3. Choose a fun username

This is the name which you will be known as by members on the dating site. I would advise you to use a name other than your real name to remain anonymous. Try and choose a name that is fun and reflects your personality, i.e. Sporty Sam or Disco Queen. Do not use a name which is sexually provocative or offensive.

4. Captivate your audience

Make your profile really stand out so that any person reading it will think “Wow, I have to get to know this person!”

Online dating sites have made it easy for you when completing your profile by providing drop down menus for basic questions such as your appearance, lifestyle, hobbies but you will also be given additional space to write something yourself. Use this space wisely to provide a more detailed description about your personality, your interests and what you are looking for. The key is to be confident and talk positively about yourself without coming across bigheaded.

5. Don’t leave an empty space

If you feel you have covered everything by answering the profile questions – please do not leave the additional space blank or write “ask me”, “tell you later” or “I don’t know what to say”. Members will see your profile and think you’re either not serious about dating or that if you can’t be bothered to put some effort into writing a profile you will have the same approach in a relationship – effortless! Instead extend on the information already provided, for example, if you have stated you like travelling talk about some of the places you have visited.

6. Ask questions

If there is a particular place you visited and fell in love with, ask anyone who has been there to get in touch with you so you can reminisce together. Asking a question in your profile makes it easy for other members to respond to.

7. Be Honest

Don’t lie about interests; you will get found out! For example, don’t say you love long walks in the countryside if you really like to dance the night away in nightclubs every weekend. You’ll attract the wrong person and waste both of your time.

As with any other kind of dating, it is always best to be honest from the start so answer all questions honestly and finding your perfect match will be much easier!

8. Show your funny side

I think if you can make someone laugh or someone makes you laugh, you’re on the path to a good relationship. Show people that you have a sense of humour, e.g. talk about a scene from one of your all time favourite comedies and you may strike a chord with someone else who found the same thing just as funny as you.

9. Dream a little

Write about your dreams and ambitions. If your dream is to travel the world but you haven’t quite got round to it there may be someone out there who would like to share this experience with you. If you’ve been lucky enough to fulfil your dreams, share your story with other members.

10. Don’t mention the ex!

Ok, so you may have just come out of a relationship and be feeling sad and lonely but don’t write about it. It will put a lot of people off and you may come across desperate, which is not an attractive trait. Make online dating a new start for you and promise yourself not to dwell on past relationships.

11. Your expectations

What are your expectations from joining an online dating site? Tell people the kind of relationship you are hoping to find but don’t say you are looking for marriage if you are really looking for a casual fling and vice versa. Again, you will waste both of your time.

12. Write a chapter, not a book

By this I mean, don’t tell your whole life story in your profile. I encourage you to provide as much information as possible about yourself but use short bursts of information, sectioned by paragraphs, rather than writing a long essay so whoever is reading it is intrigued to find out more about you.

13. Be safe

Finally, do not include any personal information in your profile, e.g. your e-mail address, home address, work address or telephone number. A reputable dating site will remove any personal information before it appears live on site; this is to ensure that they provide you with a safe online dating environment.

Once you’ve completed your profile, read through it or ask a trusted friend to read through it and ask, would you reply to this person? If yes, it’s all systems go. If no, look at the areas where it can be improved until you’ve created that winning profile. It may take longer than 5 or 10 minutes but the results that will show in your inbox will be worth it!

Valentine's Day, Fairytales and Finding Your Soul Mate

Is it really any wonder that we're in so much trouble as a society when it comes to marriage and relationships when you look around at the various media portrayals of what an ideal, healthy relationship might look like. Let's start with a popular ballad about the expectations you might have of your soul mate:

"I don't care who you are, where you're from
Or what you did, as long as you love me."

What a beauty! Talk about co-dependent low self-esteem as the end goal.

Then there's the big line from the movie Jerry McGuire:

"You complete me."

What is that? Are we really walking around as pieces of a soul mate jigsaw puzzle, waiting to find our missing piece in the form of another person or be doomed to a life with our incomplete self? I don't think so.

Now before I go any further, the point here is not to destroy your enjoyment of popular songs (that I can admit to humming along with) or movies (that I actually enjoyed). Rather, I want you to put them into some much needed perspective.

They're fictional, these stories didn't happen, they're not true. And it's a good thing too!

Go back to the song's lyrics for a moment and read them again and imagine what that relationship might look like. And this time don't sing the lyrics, just read them as a statement.

I love this exercise, because when you take the message out of the context it was presented to you, well, it's not quite so romantic is it?

Unfortunately, as a society we're taking this form of subconscious relationship advice in by the truckload. We don't examine the actual message because we're too swept up in the emotions they trigger. And what's the end result? We have a society where the popular belief is that fairytales can come true.

I'm sorry, but the fact that it is theoretically possible for a street prostitute to end up with a handsome billionaire as in Pretty Woman, is not a good reason to wait around for your own knight in shining armor to come riding into town on a white horse. Likewise, it's very doubtful that a delightful, princess of a woman is going to magically see through your outwardly destructive behavior, to the man for all seasons that lies within.

And then there's the doozie that we've all fallen for in one relationship or another, that "love" will conquer all. The Beatles lied when they told us "All You Need is Love", because they left out all of the other components that you need in order to find, and keep your true soul mate.

You're going to need to be very, very clear on exactly the type of person you want in your life, the kind of values they would have (as well as clearly knowing your own values).

You'll need to have a healthy and developed sense of respect, for yourself first, and then for the person you're inviting into your life.

You'll need to master the art of direct, truthful and sincere communication and be prepared to hold yourself accountable for using it.

You'll also need trust. Trust in you, and trust in your partner with a clear understanding of your mutual agreements and the consequences for breaking them.

And of course you'll need to learn the techniques necessary to apply all of these components with your partner.

We claim to all want rich, loving relationships, yet it's been my experience that people are mostly treating their relationship like it were a game of chance. Think of it like this; finding your true soul mate and creating your ideal relationship is the equivalent of playing a round of golf with someone and each of you shooting par on every hole ... does it make sense to try to do this without taking lessons or instruction from someone who has played to that level before?

Of course not.

You don't get lucky or unlucky in love. You either get the necessary knowledge, and through its application create what might look like "luck" to an outsider, or you continue to enter into relationships hoping that the next one will be "the one" or that the one you're in currently will spontaneously evolve into the relationship of your dreams.

Your soul mate is out there, you just need to decide how important it is that you find them.

Relationships = COMMUNICATIONS

One of the most difficult areas facing those of us with a disability, and/or those of us living with a chronic illness, is COMMUNICATION!! We have to communicate with others - family, medical care, friends, strangers, etc. AND, they have to be able to communicate with us. So, the better we can communicate with others, the better off we will be in soliciting, receiving, and giving help. AND, if you are like me, you were raised to GIVE help, not to get it! You were the caregiver; being on the receiving end is very hard to do.

This blog is seperated into two distinct areas. The first is a way to assist us better communicate what is going on with us, to others. The second part is information designed to literally "hand" to others, so that they know how to communicate with us as an actual "person" and not as a "disease".

To start off, I found this great website in Australia, designed to "link" folks together who have disabilities and disability needs. The acronym used is "TEAM". It means: Together, Everyone Achieves More! I love this concept, and thought you might also.

So, how in the world do you document all about YOU?? Well, if you are intending to use the information in obtaining your disability insurances, I recommend the Workbook that we offer at www.disabilitykey.com. The attachments in the Workbook allow you to document your symptoms, and have actual examples of forms and letters that you can use in your process, as well as the actual "How-To" process.

Additionally, I havae found this fantastic website, originating from the State of Washington. It shows you a model of communicating to all about "you". Unlike the disabilitykey Workbook, it does not provide you with the actual forms. However, if you are computer-savvy enough, you can duplicate the pages yourself. Included are the following sections:

Care Teams
About Me
Diagnoses
Next Steps
Health Log
Medications
Reactions
History
Advanced Directives

I'd add one more section, personally, about family, friends, relatives, etc.

Here's the link: https://www.sharedcareplan.org/Home/Guest.asp

You now know how important it is to document all the information about YOU. Now you can share it with others. Once documented, all you have to do is update the information, as it changes. In this way, you do not have to rely on memory.

INFORMATION TO GIVE TO OTHERS ON HOW TO TREAT YOU (the person with the disability) as a PERSON, NOT AN ILLNESS

Again, the following information has been gleaned from a variety of sources.

The way a person refers to persons with disabilities shapes his/her beliefs and ideas about that person. Using appropriate terms can foster positive attitudes about persons with disabilities. One of the major improvements in communicating with and about people with disabilities is "people-first" language. People-first language emphasizes the person, not the disability. By placing the person first, the disability is no longer the primary, defining characteristic of an individual but one of several aspects of the whole person.

For example, it is preferred to say, "people with disabilities" instead of "the disabled"; or "Mary has a vision impairment" , or, "Mary is vision-impaired" instead of labeling the person by saying, "Mary is blind."

An exception to this rule is for people who are deaf or hard of hearing. In general, the deaf community does not like to be referred to as having hearing impairments. It prefers deaf or hard of hearing. Use "hard of hearing" to refer to people who have hearing loss but communicate in spoken language. "People with hearing loss" is also considered acceptable. Many people who are deaf and communicate with sign language consider themselves to be members of a cultural and linguistic minority. They refer to themselves as Deaf with a capital "D" and may be offended by the term "hearing impaired." Many Deaf do not believe the condition to be an impairment.

If someone has diabetes, they are a person first, with diabetes. Please do not refer to them as "the Diabetic", unless this is how they wish to be refered to (and you know this because you have asked them ahead of time). I, for example, am a vibrant, wordy person who loves to read and work with people, who happens to have Multiple Sclerosis. It is a condition that I have; it does not define me.

If you don’t know the appropriate words to use, simply ask the person what is preferred.

Lastly, let's talk about "relationships" in general. If you are dealing with a disability, and/or with managing a chronic illness, it is CRITICAL that you NOT cut yourself off from others. Life is very precious, and, as we discussed in the quality of life blog, living well is and should be, the goal of us all.

If you have any additional questions about communications or disability relationships, please comment and we'll tap into our collective wisdom!

Secret To Fruitful & Satisfying Love Relationships

Best Selling author of books on love relationship, marriage and family delivers a sizzling book that helps many couples avert common relationship nightmares by knowing exactly the right questions to ask to determine if your potential marital spouse is good (or not) for you.

The most common and catastrophic problem facing America and the whole world today is not the spread of weapons of mass destruction but the breakdown of the traditional family and the attendant problems of dysfunctional homes, moral decadency, cultural degeneration, crimes and urban decay.

The root of this problem is that most people enter into love relationships and begin having families without knowing their dates, partners and spouses well enough and without caring for compatibility.

Therefore many of these relationships don’t last a long time.

After they have a few children, the marriage collapses.

Then custody battles ensue.

Children are often caught up in the battle between their fathers and mothers and are greatly impacted psychologically and socially all their lives by the traumatic bitter experience.

When children have no role models to look up to, they grow up with undeveloped characters which often cause failures in life.

They may be disposed to join the wrong gangs and live unpleasant lives filled with drugs, crimes, bitterness, misery and movement in and out of prisons.

This is why Michael Webb’s book about couples asking the right questions is of utmost importance in helping them to choose the right compatible mates for a loving relationship that may lead to a lasting, happy and solid marriage.

In this revealing relationship book, Mr. Webb has offered 1000 sensible, critical and important relationship questions every couple who desires success in marriage should ask each other before embarking on a serious love relationship.

Some of these relationship questions are about: Personality, Feelings & Emotions, Favorites, Pets, Attractions, Health, Food & Well Being, Vacations,

Morals, Convictions and Beliefs, Religion & Spiritual Matters, Car & Driver,

Holidays & Celebrations, Home & Home Life, Past & Future, Hobbies & Entertainment, Love, Romance & Date Nights, Friends & Family,

Communication, Career and Education, Money, Relationships – Past & Present, Children & Child Rearing, Wedding & Honeymoon, Sex

Here is what a customer said about Mr. Webb’s love relationship book:

"My boyfriend of four and a half years and I really thought we knew each other well until we started going through your questions. It has been a wonderful experience." -- Laura Hill

Mr. Webb maintains that: "An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions. If you and your partner answer these 1000 questions, I guarantee that you will know each other better than 99% of couples on the face of the earth"

Michael Webb has appeared on over 500 radio and television shows including Oprah, Men are From Mars/ Women are From Venus, NBC News, 700 Club, The Other Half, Iyanla, To Tell the Truth and FOX News.

He has been featured in practically every major newspaper in the United States and is regularly mentioned in the nation's top magazines like Men's Health, Bridal Guide, Cosmopolitan, New Man, Women's Day, Family Circle and dozens others

Another of Mr. Webb’s customer, Patricia Jackley who bought this book and found it very useful and helpful said:

“The questions you pose throughout the book are thought provoking, honest and certainly added to creating a solid base to start our initial relationship and ultimately our marriage.

I can honestly say that your questions are universal, they are questions that reach into the heart of basic foundations such as morals, beliefs and values that bridge any cultural divides and differences.

My husband, Henri and I are so thankful we took the time to provide heartfelt and honest answers to each other. We believe it helped us to create a stronger bond than we would have ordinarily maintained. Thank you! From a faithful reader and fellow romantic, sincerely, Patricia”

You may publish this article at your website, e-zine and also send it to your friends AS LONG AS you RETAIN the author’s resource box below, and DON’T ALTER THE CONTENT OR USE IT IN ANY RE-DIRECTION SCHEME. Thank you!

Love relationship, save marriage, dating, couples, family life, avoid divorce marriage advice, marriage plan, dating secrets

May this article help you to improve your love life and marital prospects.

9 Half Dating Tips

Millions of men and women have signed up at online dating sites. The research indicates that there are few dates and even fewer marriages that take place as a result of meeting people online. Some of the responsibility for the poor results lies with the customers themselves. Too many men and women fill out their profiles and then sit back and wait. They expect the computers to match them with their perfect mates. And they really don’t want to actually work at finding their life partners.

Are you living in a fairy tale?

Some of the reluctance to take charge of your love life is the result of what I call the Fairy Tale Trap. This dating trap is an entrenched part of our culture. The Fairy Tale part of the trap says that we don’t have to take responsibility for finding our soul mates. Indeed, our soul mate will just appear because…it’s fate. Someday, our prince will come, if we just wait long enough.

Well, it doesn’t work that way. The perfect employer doesn’t call you with a job. The perfect car doesn’t drive itself into your garage. And, your perfect partner won’t magically appear someday to take you away from all of this. You have to get out there and look. Online dating services can help you look. They help you screen more prospects more quickly. But they won’t find a mate for you. You have to still put in the effort. If you want the best results from your online search, try these proven tips:

Secrets to online dating success

1. Know yourself; be yourself. No phoniness. Be honest and demand honesty from dates. Or else. First email, first date, doesn’t matter. At the first sign of untruthfulness, walk away.

2. Post several photos - with your clothes on. You catch fish according to the type of bait you use. What do you think you are attracting with racy photos of your T&A? If you want someone to love you for yourself, post photos of yourself, not your body parts.

3. Write a paragraph or two about yourself that no one else could write. Be unique. Most women fall within a fairly narrow range for height, weight, hair color, eye color. They are all "nice", "attractive", fun, good sense of humor. Tell the world something it doesn't know and can't get from a standard fill-in-the-blank profile.

4. Contact lots of people and answer lots of contacts. It's a numbers game. Besides, if you corresponded with only one man how would you know he’s the best one for you? You never had a choice, did you?

5. Online dating safety tips 1) No personal email addresses. Get a new free one from hotmail, yahoo, or gmail. 2) Do not give out your personal phone or cell phone numbers. Instead, visit http://www.freeaudioconferencing.com and get a free bridgeline. This is a private telephone number that exists in a computer far away. You give this number to a possible date, and tell him to call that number at a specific time. Then, both of you call that number at the agreed time to connect over the phone. It's anonymous and untraceable.

6. Most of your contacts and replies won't result in a match or a date, let alone a relationship. So what? Do you always watch the TV channel that comes up when you turn on the TV? You browse the channels, so browse your prospects. The more you do this, the better you will get at it. When you finally meet Mr. Wonderful you'll be very good at screening and evaluating possible dates.

6a. On a scale of 1-10, you’ll want to date 10’s of course. You’d be smart not to waste your time on 1’s. But, how about those 4-5-6’s? Personality can make up for a less than perfect face or body. Besides, the way to get good at something is practice, practice, practice. If you want to be comfortable at dating, conversation, and screening your dates, date a lot of people. Consider it good practice. Whenever Mr. Right does come along, you’ll be practiced, you’ll be polished, and you’ll be ready.

7. Don't think an online dating site will have your perfect date today, this month, even this year. People come and go a lot at these dating sites. Expecting to meet someone good on the first search is like expecting to meet your mate the first time you visit the grocery, the video store, or the coffee shop. The most useful tip is: be patient. You may spend months before someone compatible logs in and sees your profile.

8. Don't expect only one online dating site to have your perfect mate. Mr. Wonderful may have joined another dating site instead. If you're serious about finding a life partner, join the top 3-4 dating sites and visit them at least weekly to see if Mr. W has signed up yet.

9. And the most important of all online dating tips: Don't expect ANY dating site to find you a man. Dating sites can be helpful, but they are just one venue for meeting possible dates and mates. If you were looking for that perfect outfit you wouldn't keep shopping in just one store. Use all the resources available to you to find your perfect partner.

Do Opposites Attract

You’ve heard the saying,” opposites attract”. Many people believe that finding a mate who is your opposite is like touching two electrical wires together. Sparks fly and things really heat up. The very idea is exciting: you zig, he zags. He is everything you are not, and vice versa. So, is it true that to find your life partner you should “find your opposite”? Unfortunately, the answer is “no”.

The reality is that opposites do attract, but they rarely stay together. If they do manage to stay married, the relationship is usually fitful and argumentative. Dating someone who is very different - someone who may have characteristics you wish you had - may be very exciting. But this excitement won’t last long, and it won’t be a good foundation for a happy marriage. Ditch diggers don’t do well with doctors, social types aren’t happy with homebodies, and spendthrifts are always at odds with pinchpennies.

Study after study has shown that happily married couples have far more in common than they have differences. If you want the best chance of having a long and happy marriage, marry someone who’s similar to you.

Just because opposites tend not to stay together, however, it doesn't mean you have to marry your clone to be happy. Your soul mate is not someone who is identical to you. In fact, if the two of you think and act the same in every way, you’ll probably soon get bored with each other. Here’s the secret to a long and happy marriage: marry someone who is complementary. That is, someone who has characteristics you don't have but admire. That person is different enough to be interesting but is not truly your opposite. If you marry such person, you’ll avoid a lot of conflicts and marriage problems that may otherwise ruin your relationship.

The surveys’ results

When committed couples were surveyed for degree of similarity/dissimilarity here were the results:

Physical beauty: people tend to mate with people who are generally considered the same degree of attractiveness. Beauty rarely marries ugly. A large difference in attractiveness may cause serious problems later in marriage.

Education: successful couples generally match up well in educational levels. However, PhD’s have marriage problems, too. What really seems to matter is not educational levels (grade levels or degrees) but intelligence. People tend to marry and stay married to people with similar IQ's.

Class: yes, there are classes in America. Upper class people rarely marry people from the other side of the tracks. Country club types marry country club types. Ivy Leaguers marry Ivy Leaguers. The prince marrying the peasant girl is truly a fairy tale.

Religion: quite often people from different religions marry, but the couples who stay together and are happy together generally agree about most spiritual matters. So, here’s another compatibility tip: discussing religion and spiritual beliefs before the wedding will save you a lot of marriage problems.

Money: When rich marries poor, the marriage is over either when the money runs out, or when the wealthy partner does.

Family/children: to a very high degree, happy couples are in agreement about whether to have children, or how many to have.

So, happy couples in successful long-term relationships are not carbon copies of each other. Neither are they clones or mirror images. It’s the differences between partners that make the marriage interesting. But, when it comes to the major issues in a relationship, happily married couples are generally at a high level of agreement.

Take a look at your own relationship. Before you make any major commitments, be sure that you and your partner are in agreement over the big things. Then, viva la difference!

Sexual Strategies

Have you ever thought WHY men’s and women’s sexual strategies are so different?

- Why men want sex and women want love?
- Why there are NO books teaching women how to get one-night stands?
- Why women complain about men not loving them enough - but refusing to make love?

If you’ve ever been frustrated with the opposite gender, I feel for you. I’ve been there, too. In fact, for nearly two decades of my life I was completely clueless on what was going on between men and women - with disastrous results.

Then I decided I’d had enough and I wanted to learn what the other gender was REALLY looking for and HOW one could master that. In short, I wanted to know what makes men and women tick.

This is what I learned and what every man and woman must know.

Our sexual strategies are deeply imprinted in our SUBCONSCIOUS.
We cannot CHANGE what is there.
We cannot CHOOSE whom we feel attracted to.
We just FEEL it.

Why?

Because, from Mother Nature’s point of view, the purpose of life is LIFE itself. It’s procreation. In other words, to keep the human race thriving, men and women should have sex and have children.

To make men and women have sex Mother Nature created a mechanism, which drives males and females towards one another. This mechanism is what we routinely call LOVE, or attraction.

Attraction is actually a cocktail of certain hormones generated in our bodies in the presence of someone who appears to be good genes - in other words, a person of the opposite gender who seems to have the capacity of producing a healthy offspring that will survive.

Those hormones make us feel euphoric and excited, and we feel an enormous urge to get in close contact with the person we are attracted to.

This is really what love is all about.
It’s just the means of making us have sex with each other and make babies.

All those poems about the wonders of love are written about the condition of a human being under the influence of a powerful mix of natural drugs.

And yes, it hits high!
Anyone who’s been in love can confirm that.

The thing you must understand is that this process is COMPLETELY UNCONTROLLABLE.

We cannot CHOOSE who we fall in love with.

This is because the purpose of procreation is so important that Mother Nature cannot rely on our recently developed intellectual capacities to make the right choice. Instead, it uses the wisdom of generations BEFORE us to make the choice FOR us. The mechanism of sexual attraction is firmly imprinted in our GENETIC MEMORY.

We are attracted to certain patterns of behavior and physical characteristics. When we come across those patterns in real life, we feel attraction to this person - and we cannot help it.

With all advances in modern science and birth control, we still have the same biological hardware as our pre-historical ancestors. Scientists say that we have the same bodies as our forebears some 50,000 years ago.

It means that when you fall in love (or lust), you do it the same way as cavemen and cavewomen did. You simply FEEL it. You cannot CONVINCE yourself to fall in love – you either feel it, or not.

So, why men and women use such different sexual strategies?
Why men want sex and women want love?
Because men and women ARE different.

Not better or worse, but different.

A man can produce a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only produce a child only every second year or so.

So for a man, there are no adverse consequences for having sex with as many women as he wants - the more children he produces, the higher his chance to procreate.

For a woman, it’s different. She needs to be selective to secure the best genes for her child. If she makes a wrong choice and falls pregnant from a man with bad genes, her offspring may not survive into adulthood. And she can only produce about 10 children during her lifetime.

This is why men’s and women’s sexual strategies are so different.

Men seek quantity; women seek quality.
Men seek abundance of sex, women - abundance of admirers.

This is absolutely NATURAL.

This is the reason why you are here today and alive – because your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their natural aspirations. Millions of dead ends of your species vanished into oblivion – and every single one of YOUR ancestors managed to find a sexual partner and produce an offspring that survived into adulthood.

- If your female ancestors weren’t picky, you wouldn’t be here today.
- If your male ancestors weren’t trying to get laid at every opportunity, you might as well never be born.

STOP wining about the tricks of the opposite gender.

The battle of the sexes is the battle for the survival of HUMANITY.

We are made this way.
Accept it.

And learn to use it to your advantage!

Is Dating A Challenge

At any age both men and women find dating a challenge. Ladies, you worry about your make-up, whether you look fat, and your hair. Men worry about money, whether they will like the woman, and if their tie (if they are wearing one) is straight. Being liked and accepted is something both men and women worry about.

Your date can be less stressful if you do some things believe it or not. Make your date as comfortable as possible. It may seem like your date is on trial if you throw a lot of questions at them. Make most of your questions open-ended and let the conversation happen naturally. Questions that only need yes and no answers are fine occasionally but they can lead to tension and stilted conversation.

Forcing conversation doesn’t work. “Relax, be yourself and you’ll be fine.” is something people hear a lot. Sharing your interests with your date is fine but don’t forget to listen to them as well. You and your date will probably be nervous so try to relax, if you can. Is one of the most important things you can do.

You should definitely not do certain things on a date. Complaining and groaning about your ex all night will make them wonder what you will say about them, also do not talk all night about yourself. A lot of questions shouldn’t be asked as this is not the inquisition. Don’t be late, pick up your date on time and be ready to be picked up on time.

Don’t forget to say thank you for a good time for your date, it is important. An important part of dating is getting to know your date and your date getting to know you. You might want to try some that you have not done up until now. Alternate who decides where you are going, you could learn something new and you could just learn something very interesting.

An important concern, perhaps the most important is dating safety. With all the ways there are now to meet people, those with less than good intentions find it easier to act on them. Men pay attention because the suggestions that follow are addressed to women but you could be target too.

Go only to public places not isolated ones for the first few dates. You can do things to keep yourself safe besides meeting someone you’ve talked to online, in a very public place. Have friends to the same place and have them keep you in their sight at all times, do not go alone. The nice guy you met at the library may seem sweet but he may not be.

If you feel uncomfortable in any way, listen to your instincts and do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. Learn as much as you can about your date. Do you know where he lives? How does he make his living? Do not consider continuing to date him if he doesn’t want to tell you. Even if your date is the most wonderful person, be careful if they refuse to share personal information.

Offering too much information, I suppose could be a warning sign too. Although date rape drugs are put in alcoholic beverages; it can also be put tea, water, coffee, and soda. They could go in almost any beverage. If you leave the table it is a good reason to have a friend nearby to keep an eye on your table and on your date.

Consuming too much alcohol is never a good idea. If you are driving this is most important but you will want to keep your wits about you. The use of any safety device you can is good but keep it legal. Whether you are male or female a cell phone is the most important tool to have, because your car can be in an accident or breakdown. A cell phone could bring help that much quicker.

Your phone should be programmed so that only one number press is required to reach 911. You can program most cell phones with a particular key that when pressed dials 911 automatically. Cell phones have GPS capability programmed into them. Pepper sprays and high decibel personal alarms are two other safety tools.

Check with your local police and attorney to determine what is acceptable in your community. In many places pepper sprays are banned. Whether dating or not other safety advice is never go anywhere unfamiliar alone. Your seat belt should always be worn. If you are ordered to go with someone with a weapon some suggest that you take a stand right away.

To become safe scream, yell, bite, or kick, do anything you have to do. Aim for the eyes and the groin. Take the heel of your hand and shove it as hard as you can into the assailant’s nose. This next thing is something to do in almost any situation not just dating. Never give anyone too much personal information, be careful about how much you tell them.

I remember when personal safety wasn’t always a serious matter. Over powering someone and covering up crimes has developed new methods. Keep yourself safe by always letting someone know who you are going out with and where you are going.

Different Approaches To Sexual Experience

Ever notice how men talk about 'having sex' while women talk about 'making love?' That kind of hits the nail on the head when it comes to how men and women approach sex. Men are pretty direct when it comes to sex -- they are arounsed easily, usually by visual stimulation, what they see. Women are much more complex, and require a more complicated experience to become aroused and take longer.

While that sounds simple, (and it is!) if you are going to improve your sexual technique, you must keep it in mind constantly.

So lets have a look at this 'more complicated experience,' and see what we can learn.

Women enjoy sex with more of their senses, touch, smell, taste, and hearing. Notice that I did NOT say sight. Women are aroused by sight as well as the other senses, but this is secondary.

Women love things like ‘taking your time’, ‘anticipation’, and ‘foreplay’ because they make the experience richer and involve more senses.

Lets look at a few of these in more detail:

1. Hearing. Women love to hear romantic sensual things. Notice that is sensual not sexual language. Women love love to hear you describe your feelings. Men are more direct and want to hear things like, "you are so big." Women like to hear things like, "your skin is so soft."

2. Touching. Women love to be touched and stroked. Stroking, cuddling, and touching is all great stuff that arouses women. Stroke her lightly with the tips of your fingers up and down her body, avoiding sexual areas. There will be lots of time for that later! Build up tension and anticipation.

3. Smelling. This could be scented candles or inscense. Women love smelling and being smelled.

4. Tasting. Women love to be fed all kinds of wonderful things like strawberries, sweets, and wine.

5. Sight. While generally women are not turned on by sight, most women love to look into your eyes. This kind of ultra-romantic stuff is a huge turn-on for most women.

6. Kissing. Kissing is a kind of touching. Our lips have tons of nerve endings in them which is why contact with our lips feels good. Make kissing an experience instead of jumping right in with your tongue! Lightly brush her lips with yours and then pull away. Keep doing this 'brushing' contact, and you will excite the nerve ending on both of your lips. Play with your lips lightly and gently.

Remember when you were learning to drive? One of the first things you learn is - don't gun the engine while its cold! Well sex is just like that!

The First Step To Getting Over A Breakup

Lately I’ve had a run of clients having a very hard time getting over the end of a relationship, so let me share some secrets with you about how to heal.

I have a client called Dorothy who’s struggling to let go of a relationship with a guy who she’d initially thought was perfect for her. When we first started working together Dorothy was really angry and frustrated that, yet again, she was going to have to re-build her love life. The one good thing about those feelings was that they removed any temptation to get straight back into dating.

The first step for any client I work with in this situation is to have them feel their feelings which is an essential part of the healing process.

Some people really struggle with feeling certain feelings. Some of us are easier with anger, others with grief. Dorothy was more than comfortable with being angry but was very reluctant to admit that her anger was masking her feelings of hurt and loneliness. Those feelings made her feel vulnerable in a way she resisted furiously. I encouraged her to explore all of her feelings by writing a ‘grief letter’ to her ex.

The Grief Letter

To write your letter take the time to explore what you are going to miss and what you aren’t going to miss.

- What are you angry about?
- What are you sad about?
- What do you fear this break up means?
- What was your part in the break up?
- What are you always going to love or appreciate about your ex?

This is referred to as a ladder of emotion and it’s great to write your letter in the above order. Feel free to use those questions as headers. That said if you need to keep coming back to anger then please do and then work your way back up the ladder again.

It’s important that you realise that you are never going to send this letter, this way you can explore being totally unreasonable and maybe even, what would previously have been, unbearably open about just how hurt you feel.

Explore these questions in such a way that you can feel all the things you suspect may be true even if you’d rather they weren’t. Write the letter as if you were writing it to someone who really cares about how you feel.

It’s really important that you take time to do this. Every time you leave a relationship there is a danger that you will suppress your emotions due to the pain and disappointment. That suppression continues after the breakup and makes you less attractive and can begin to limit your ability to love.

If you go through this phase of feeling your feelings properly then you’ll be able to reconnect with at least some of the love you felt for this person you’ve parted from. Not in a way that eats at you but in a way that nourishes your sense of having a life worth loving. If you’ve loved deeply once, then you can do it again. It takes work to keep your heart healthy and open but it’s very valuable work.

This is the first step in a process that can take anywhere from days to months and it’s a good solid first step. When Dorothy first began to be honest about how sad and lonely she felt she got scared about how overwhelming it felt. As if somehow she could become lost in the feelings or she’d never feel good again. This process requires you to acknowledge that your feelings are not something to be afraid of. If you’re feeling sad you are only sad. It doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with your life that must be fixed. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to just acknowledge that you do feel sad.

The end of a relationship is often the death of something you found to be beautiful for a while. That said, no matter how big your grief is, you’re going to get through it. You are far bigger than your worst feeling.

Two months on Dorothy has learned a lot about her self and one of her unexpected breakthroughs is that being alone at home no longer makes her feel like there’s something wrong with her. Suddenly being alone isn’t so scary and from this place she’s in a much better position to think about who she’d actually like to make a part of her life.

Feeling your feelings is the quickest route to healing and the only way out is through. Just remember that even your darkest minute is only 60 seconds long.

An Easy Way to Find New Love

Have you ever noticed that it is easier to attract a potential partner if you already have one? Have you noticed that if you are not really looking for a relationship a lot more people show an interest, but if you get desperate they run a mile!

At least that has happened to me sometimes and from asking around it seems to be quite common. Rather than just putting this down to some bizarre quirk of human nature lets look a the cause of this behavior and see if we can make it work for us.

One of the keys to finding a mate is to not particularly need one, or at least not need one 'too much'. I find that if I need a partner too much that can drive them away. However, what do I do if I really feel desperate?

Another quirk of human nature is that our nervous system has a hard time telling the difference between an imagined experience and a real one. You only have to watch an exciting or scary movie to see how easily we can fool ourselves. This is the key to never being desperate about finding a partner. If we want to find a partner, then the best thing to do is imagine we have one already!

If we imagine we have the perfect partner and get into feeling how it would be to have that right now, this calms down our whole nervous system. It gives us a feeling of being fulfilled and takes away feelings of desperation. Especially if we really get into details; what you will do together, where you will go, what will you say, what will they say, and so on.

Please bear in mind that I am not talking about 'yearning' for someone. Sitting around yearning for someone is very different from imagining you already have them. Yearning is a feeling of 'not having', which primes us to feel desperate. We need to discourage ourselves from cultivating feelings of 'not having' and encourage ourselves to cultivate feelings of 'having'. You can easily tell the difference as the feeling of 'having' is a much better feeling!

You may say that this is just a trick of the mind. Well, the feelings that come as part of the package of 'lonely yearning' are tricks of the mind too. Feelings of failure, or feeling that we will never find anyone, are all part of the imagination - they are negative imaginings. That is using our mind and our imagination against ourselves and training ourselves to fail.

If this all sounds strange to you, remember what top athletes do if they want to improve their abilities. They imagine themselves achieving a better time in the race, lifting heavier weights, having more stamina, and the like. They imagine how they will feel to achieve their goals. Athletes don't mess around with techniques that don't work, especially when a few hundredths of a second difference means winning or losing. Successful business people do this sort of thing too. They imagine success and then move ahead from there.

By imagining we already have the perfect partner, and how it will feel, we train our subconscious mind to start making that happen. And, because we are more likely to be mellow about it, we are much more likely to make the most of it when the next opportunity comes along. If you are going to try this, and you are willing to spend a few minutes on it every day, get yourself a nice big stick ready... you might need it to keep all the interest potential partners at bay...