Relationships = COMMUNICATIONS

One of the most difficult areas facing those of us with a disability, and/or those of us living with a chronic illness, is COMMUNICATION!! We have to communicate with others - family, medical care, friends, strangers, etc. AND, they have to be able to communicate with us. So, the better we can communicate with others, the better off we will be in soliciting, receiving, and giving help. AND, if you are like me, you were raised to GIVE help, not to get it! You were the caregiver; being on the receiving end is very hard to do.

This blog is seperated into two distinct areas. The first is a way to assist us better communicate what is going on with us, to others. The second part is information designed to literally "hand" to others, so that they know how to communicate with us as an actual "person" and not as a "disease".

To start off, I found this great website in Australia, designed to "link" folks together who have disabilities and disability needs. The acronym used is "TEAM". It means: Together, Everyone Achieves More! I love this concept, and thought you might also.

So, how in the world do you document all about YOU?? Well, if you are intending to use the information in obtaining your disability insurances, I recommend the Workbook that we offer at www.disabilitykey.com. The attachments in the Workbook allow you to document your symptoms, and have actual examples of forms and letters that you can use in your process, as well as the actual "How-To" process.

Additionally, I havae found this fantastic website, originating from the State of Washington. It shows you a model of communicating to all about "you". Unlike the disabilitykey Workbook, it does not provide you with the actual forms. However, if you are computer-savvy enough, you can duplicate the pages yourself. Included are the following sections:

Care Teams
About Me
Diagnoses
Next Steps
Health Log
Medications
Reactions
History
Advanced Directives

I'd add one more section, personally, about family, friends, relatives, etc.

Here's the link: https://www.sharedcareplan.org/Home/Guest.asp

You now know how important it is to document all the information about YOU. Now you can share it with others. Once documented, all you have to do is update the information, as it changes. In this way, you do not have to rely on memory.

INFORMATION TO GIVE TO OTHERS ON HOW TO TREAT YOU (the person with the disability) as a PERSON, NOT AN ILLNESS

Again, the following information has been gleaned from a variety of sources.

The way a person refers to persons with disabilities shapes his/her beliefs and ideas about that person. Using appropriate terms can foster positive attitudes about persons with disabilities. One of the major improvements in communicating with and about people with disabilities is "people-first" language. People-first language emphasizes the person, not the disability. By placing the person first, the disability is no longer the primary, defining characteristic of an individual but one of several aspects of the whole person.

For example, it is preferred to say, "people with disabilities" instead of "the disabled"; or "Mary has a vision impairment" , or, "Mary is vision-impaired" instead of labeling the person by saying, "Mary is blind."

An exception to this rule is for people who are deaf or hard of hearing. In general, the deaf community does not like to be referred to as having hearing impairments. It prefers deaf or hard of hearing. Use "hard of hearing" to refer to people who have hearing loss but communicate in spoken language. "People with hearing loss" is also considered acceptable. Many people who are deaf and communicate with sign language consider themselves to be members of a cultural and linguistic minority. They refer to themselves as Deaf with a capital "D" and may be offended by the term "hearing impaired." Many Deaf do not believe the condition to be an impairment.

If someone has diabetes, they are a person first, with diabetes. Please do not refer to them as "the Diabetic", unless this is how they wish to be refered to (and you know this because you have asked them ahead of time). I, for example, am a vibrant, wordy person who loves to read and work with people, who happens to have Multiple Sclerosis. It is a condition that I have; it does not define me.

If you don’t know the appropriate words to use, simply ask the person what is preferred.

Lastly, let's talk about "relationships" in general. If you are dealing with a disability, and/or with managing a chronic illness, it is CRITICAL that you NOT cut yourself off from others. Life is very precious, and, as we discussed in the quality of life blog, living well is and should be, the goal of us all.

If you have any additional questions about communications or disability relationships, please comment and we'll tap into our collective wisdom!

Secret To Fruitful & Satisfying Love Relationships

Best Selling author of books on love relationship, marriage and family delivers a sizzling book that helps many couples avert common relationship nightmares by knowing exactly the right questions to ask to determine if your potential marital spouse is good (or not) for you.

The most common and catastrophic problem facing America and the whole world today is not the spread of weapons of mass destruction but the breakdown of the traditional family and the attendant problems of dysfunctional homes, moral decadency, cultural degeneration, crimes and urban decay.

The root of this problem is that most people enter into love relationships and begin having families without knowing their dates, partners and spouses well enough and without caring for compatibility.

Therefore many of these relationships don’t last a long time.

After they have a few children, the marriage collapses.

Then custody battles ensue.

Children are often caught up in the battle between their fathers and mothers and are greatly impacted psychologically and socially all their lives by the traumatic bitter experience.

When children have no role models to look up to, they grow up with undeveloped characters which often cause failures in life.

They may be disposed to join the wrong gangs and live unpleasant lives filled with drugs, crimes, bitterness, misery and movement in and out of prisons.

This is why Michael Webb’s book about couples asking the right questions is of utmost importance in helping them to choose the right compatible mates for a loving relationship that may lead to a lasting, happy and solid marriage.

In this revealing relationship book, Mr. Webb has offered 1000 sensible, critical and important relationship questions every couple who desires success in marriage should ask each other before embarking on a serious love relationship.

Some of these relationship questions are about: Personality, Feelings & Emotions, Favorites, Pets, Attractions, Health, Food & Well Being, Vacations,

Morals, Convictions and Beliefs, Religion & Spiritual Matters, Car & Driver,

Holidays & Celebrations, Home & Home Life, Past & Future, Hobbies & Entertainment, Love, Romance & Date Nights, Friends & Family,

Communication, Career and Education, Money, Relationships – Past & Present, Children & Child Rearing, Wedding & Honeymoon, Sex

Here is what a customer said about Mr. Webb’s love relationship book:

"My boyfriend of four and a half years and I really thought we knew each other well until we started going through your questions. It has been a wonderful experience." -- Laura Hill

Mr. Webb maintains that: "An estimated 83% of divorces would not take place if couples asked each other the right questions. If you and your partner answer these 1000 questions, I guarantee that you will know each other better than 99% of couples on the face of the earth"

Michael Webb has appeared on over 500 radio and television shows including Oprah, Men are From Mars/ Women are From Venus, NBC News, 700 Club, The Other Half, Iyanla, To Tell the Truth and FOX News.

He has been featured in practically every major newspaper in the United States and is regularly mentioned in the nation's top magazines like Men's Health, Bridal Guide, Cosmopolitan, New Man, Women's Day, Family Circle and dozens others

Another of Mr. Webb’s customer, Patricia Jackley who bought this book and found it very useful and helpful said:

“The questions you pose throughout the book are thought provoking, honest and certainly added to creating a solid base to start our initial relationship and ultimately our marriage.

I can honestly say that your questions are universal, they are questions that reach into the heart of basic foundations such as morals, beliefs and values that bridge any cultural divides and differences.

My husband, Henri and I are so thankful we took the time to provide heartfelt and honest answers to each other. We believe it helped us to create a stronger bond than we would have ordinarily maintained. Thank you! From a faithful reader and fellow romantic, sincerely, Patricia”

You may publish this article at your website, e-zine and also send it to your friends AS LONG AS you RETAIN the author’s resource box below, and DON’T ALTER THE CONTENT OR USE IT IN ANY RE-DIRECTION SCHEME. Thank you!

Love relationship, save marriage, dating, couples, family life, avoid divorce marriage advice, marriage plan, dating secrets

May this article help you to improve your love life and marital prospects.

9 Half Dating Tips

Millions of men and women have signed up at online dating sites. The research indicates that there are few dates and even fewer marriages that take place as a result of meeting people online. Some of the responsibility for the poor results lies with the customers themselves. Too many men and women fill out their profiles and then sit back and wait. They expect the computers to match them with their perfect mates. And they really don’t want to actually work at finding their life partners.

Are you living in a fairy tale?

Some of the reluctance to take charge of your love life is the result of what I call the Fairy Tale Trap. This dating trap is an entrenched part of our culture. The Fairy Tale part of the trap says that we don’t have to take responsibility for finding our soul mates. Indeed, our soul mate will just appear because…it’s fate. Someday, our prince will come, if we just wait long enough.

Well, it doesn’t work that way. The perfect employer doesn’t call you with a job. The perfect car doesn’t drive itself into your garage. And, your perfect partner won’t magically appear someday to take you away from all of this. You have to get out there and look. Online dating services can help you look. They help you screen more prospects more quickly. But they won’t find a mate for you. You have to still put in the effort. If you want the best results from your online search, try these proven tips:

Secrets to online dating success

1. Know yourself; be yourself. No phoniness. Be honest and demand honesty from dates. Or else. First email, first date, doesn’t matter. At the first sign of untruthfulness, walk away.

2. Post several photos - with your clothes on. You catch fish according to the type of bait you use. What do you think you are attracting with racy photos of your T&A? If you want someone to love you for yourself, post photos of yourself, not your body parts.

3. Write a paragraph or two about yourself that no one else could write. Be unique. Most women fall within a fairly narrow range for height, weight, hair color, eye color. They are all "nice", "attractive", fun, good sense of humor. Tell the world something it doesn't know and can't get from a standard fill-in-the-blank profile.

4. Contact lots of people and answer lots of contacts. It's a numbers game. Besides, if you corresponded with only one man how would you know he’s the best one for you? You never had a choice, did you?

5. Online dating safety tips 1) No personal email addresses. Get a new free one from hotmail, yahoo, or gmail. 2) Do not give out your personal phone or cell phone numbers. Instead, visit http://www.freeaudioconferencing.com and get a free bridgeline. This is a private telephone number that exists in a computer far away. You give this number to a possible date, and tell him to call that number at a specific time. Then, both of you call that number at the agreed time to connect over the phone. It's anonymous and untraceable.

6. Most of your contacts and replies won't result in a match or a date, let alone a relationship. So what? Do you always watch the TV channel that comes up when you turn on the TV? You browse the channels, so browse your prospects. The more you do this, the better you will get at it. When you finally meet Mr. Wonderful you'll be very good at screening and evaluating possible dates.

6a. On a scale of 1-10, you’ll want to date 10’s of course. You’d be smart not to waste your time on 1’s. But, how about those 4-5-6’s? Personality can make up for a less than perfect face or body. Besides, the way to get good at something is practice, practice, practice. If you want to be comfortable at dating, conversation, and screening your dates, date a lot of people. Consider it good practice. Whenever Mr. Right does come along, you’ll be practiced, you’ll be polished, and you’ll be ready.

7. Don't think an online dating site will have your perfect date today, this month, even this year. People come and go a lot at these dating sites. Expecting to meet someone good on the first search is like expecting to meet your mate the first time you visit the grocery, the video store, or the coffee shop. The most useful tip is: be patient. You may spend months before someone compatible logs in and sees your profile.

8. Don't expect only one online dating site to have your perfect mate. Mr. Wonderful may have joined another dating site instead. If you're serious about finding a life partner, join the top 3-4 dating sites and visit them at least weekly to see if Mr. W has signed up yet.

9. And the most important of all online dating tips: Don't expect ANY dating site to find you a man. Dating sites can be helpful, but they are just one venue for meeting possible dates and mates. If you were looking for that perfect outfit you wouldn't keep shopping in just one store. Use all the resources available to you to find your perfect partner.

Do Opposites Attract

You’ve heard the saying,” opposites attract”. Many people believe that finding a mate who is your opposite is like touching two electrical wires together. Sparks fly and things really heat up. The very idea is exciting: you zig, he zags. He is everything you are not, and vice versa. So, is it true that to find your life partner you should “find your opposite”? Unfortunately, the answer is “no”.

The reality is that opposites do attract, but they rarely stay together. If they do manage to stay married, the relationship is usually fitful and argumentative. Dating someone who is very different - someone who may have characteristics you wish you had - may be very exciting. But this excitement won’t last long, and it won’t be a good foundation for a happy marriage. Ditch diggers don’t do well with doctors, social types aren’t happy with homebodies, and spendthrifts are always at odds with pinchpennies.

Study after study has shown that happily married couples have far more in common than they have differences. If you want the best chance of having a long and happy marriage, marry someone who’s similar to you.

Just because opposites tend not to stay together, however, it doesn't mean you have to marry your clone to be happy. Your soul mate is not someone who is identical to you. In fact, if the two of you think and act the same in every way, you’ll probably soon get bored with each other. Here’s the secret to a long and happy marriage: marry someone who is complementary. That is, someone who has characteristics you don't have but admire. That person is different enough to be interesting but is not truly your opposite. If you marry such person, you’ll avoid a lot of conflicts and marriage problems that may otherwise ruin your relationship.

The surveys’ results

When committed couples were surveyed for degree of similarity/dissimilarity here were the results:

Physical beauty: people tend to mate with people who are generally considered the same degree of attractiveness. Beauty rarely marries ugly. A large difference in attractiveness may cause serious problems later in marriage.

Education: successful couples generally match up well in educational levels. However, PhD’s have marriage problems, too. What really seems to matter is not educational levels (grade levels or degrees) but intelligence. People tend to marry and stay married to people with similar IQ's.

Class: yes, there are classes in America. Upper class people rarely marry people from the other side of the tracks. Country club types marry country club types. Ivy Leaguers marry Ivy Leaguers. The prince marrying the peasant girl is truly a fairy tale.

Religion: quite often people from different religions marry, but the couples who stay together and are happy together generally agree about most spiritual matters. So, here’s another compatibility tip: discussing religion and spiritual beliefs before the wedding will save you a lot of marriage problems.

Money: When rich marries poor, the marriage is over either when the money runs out, or when the wealthy partner does.

Family/children: to a very high degree, happy couples are in agreement about whether to have children, or how many to have.

So, happy couples in successful long-term relationships are not carbon copies of each other. Neither are they clones or mirror images. It’s the differences between partners that make the marriage interesting. But, when it comes to the major issues in a relationship, happily married couples are generally at a high level of agreement.

Take a look at your own relationship. Before you make any major commitments, be sure that you and your partner are in agreement over the big things. Then, viva la difference!

Sexual Strategies

Have you ever thought WHY men’s and women’s sexual strategies are so different?

- Why men want sex and women want love?
- Why there are NO books teaching women how to get one-night stands?
- Why women complain about men not loving them enough - but refusing to make love?

If you’ve ever been frustrated with the opposite gender, I feel for you. I’ve been there, too. In fact, for nearly two decades of my life I was completely clueless on what was going on between men and women - with disastrous results.

Then I decided I’d had enough and I wanted to learn what the other gender was REALLY looking for and HOW one could master that. In short, I wanted to know what makes men and women tick.

This is what I learned and what every man and woman must know.

Our sexual strategies are deeply imprinted in our SUBCONSCIOUS.
We cannot CHANGE what is there.
We cannot CHOOSE whom we feel attracted to.
We just FEEL it.

Why?

Because, from Mother Nature’s point of view, the purpose of life is LIFE itself. It’s procreation. In other words, to keep the human race thriving, men and women should have sex and have children.

To make men and women have sex Mother Nature created a mechanism, which drives males and females towards one another. This mechanism is what we routinely call LOVE, or attraction.

Attraction is actually a cocktail of certain hormones generated in our bodies in the presence of someone who appears to be good genes - in other words, a person of the opposite gender who seems to have the capacity of producing a healthy offspring that will survive.

Those hormones make us feel euphoric and excited, and we feel an enormous urge to get in close contact with the person we are attracted to.

This is really what love is all about.
It’s just the means of making us have sex with each other and make babies.

All those poems about the wonders of love are written about the condition of a human being under the influence of a powerful mix of natural drugs.

And yes, it hits high!
Anyone who’s been in love can confirm that.

The thing you must understand is that this process is COMPLETELY UNCONTROLLABLE.

We cannot CHOOSE who we fall in love with.

This is because the purpose of procreation is so important that Mother Nature cannot rely on our recently developed intellectual capacities to make the right choice. Instead, it uses the wisdom of generations BEFORE us to make the choice FOR us. The mechanism of sexual attraction is firmly imprinted in our GENETIC MEMORY.

We are attracted to certain patterns of behavior and physical characteristics. When we come across those patterns in real life, we feel attraction to this person - and we cannot help it.

With all advances in modern science and birth control, we still have the same biological hardware as our pre-historical ancestors. Scientists say that we have the same bodies as our forebears some 50,000 years ago.

It means that when you fall in love (or lust), you do it the same way as cavemen and cavewomen did. You simply FEEL it. You cannot CONVINCE yourself to fall in love – you either feel it, or not.

So, why men and women use such different sexual strategies?
Why men want sex and women want love?
Because men and women ARE different.

Not better or worse, but different.

A man can produce a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only produce a child only every second year or so.

So for a man, there are no adverse consequences for having sex with as many women as he wants - the more children he produces, the higher his chance to procreate.

For a woman, it’s different. She needs to be selective to secure the best genes for her child. If she makes a wrong choice and falls pregnant from a man with bad genes, her offspring may not survive into adulthood. And she can only produce about 10 children during her lifetime.

This is why men’s and women’s sexual strategies are so different.

Men seek quantity; women seek quality.
Men seek abundance of sex, women - abundance of admirers.

This is absolutely NATURAL.

This is the reason why you are here today and alive – because your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their natural aspirations. Millions of dead ends of your species vanished into oblivion – and every single one of YOUR ancestors managed to find a sexual partner and produce an offspring that survived into adulthood.

- If your female ancestors weren’t picky, you wouldn’t be here today.
- If your male ancestors weren’t trying to get laid at every opportunity, you might as well never be born.

STOP wining about the tricks of the opposite gender.

The battle of the sexes is the battle for the survival of HUMANITY.

We are made this way.
Accept it.

And learn to use it to your advantage!

Is Dating A Challenge

At any age both men and women find dating a challenge. Ladies, you worry about your make-up, whether you look fat, and your hair. Men worry about money, whether they will like the woman, and if their tie (if they are wearing one) is straight. Being liked and accepted is something both men and women worry about.

Your date can be less stressful if you do some things believe it or not. Make your date as comfortable as possible. It may seem like your date is on trial if you throw a lot of questions at them. Make most of your questions open-ended and let the conversation happen naturally. Questions that only need yes and no answers are fine occasionally but they can lead to tension and stilted conversation.

Forcing conversation doesn’t work. “Relax, be yourself and you’ll be fine.” is something people hear a lot. Sharing your interests with your date is fine but don’t forget to listen to them as well. You and your date will probably be nervous so try to relax, if you can. Is one of the most important things you can do.

You should definitely not do certain things on a date. Complaining and groaning about your ex all night will make them wonder what you will say about them, also do not talk all night about yourself. A lot of questions shouldn’t be asked as this is not the inquisition. Don’t be late, pick up your date on time and be ready to be picked up on time.

Don’t forget to say thank you for a good time for your date, it is important. An important part of dating is getting to know your date and your date getting to know you. You might want to try some that you have not done up until now. Alternate who decides where you are going, you could learn something new and you could just learn something very interesting.

An important concern, perhaps the most important is dating safety. With all the ways there are now to meet people, those with less than good intentions find it easier to act on them. Men pay attention because the suggestions that follow are addressed to women but you could be target too.

Go only to public places not isolated ones for the first few dates. You can do things to keep yourself safe besides meeting someone you’ve talked to online, in a very public place. Have friends to the same place and have them keep you in their sight at all times, do not go alone. The nice guy you met at the library may seem sweet but he may not be.

If you feel uncomfortable in any way, listen to your instincts and do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. Learn as much as you can about your date. Do you know where he lives? How does he make his living? Do not consider continuing to date him if he doesn’t want to tell you. Even if your date is the most wonderful person, be careful if they refuse to share personal information.

Offering too much information, I suppose could be a warning sign too. Although date rape drugs are put in alcoholic beverages; it can also be put tea, water, coffee, and soda. They could go in almost any beverage. If you leave the table it is a good reason to have a friend nearby to keep an eye on your table and on your date.

Consuming too much alcohol is never a good idea. If you are driving this is most important but you will want to keep your wits about you. The use of any safety device you can is good but keep it legal. Whether you are male or female a cell phone is the most important tool to have, because your car can be in an accident or breakdown. A cell phone could bring help that much quicker.

Your phone should be programmed so that only one number press is required to reach 911. You can program most cell phones with a particular key that when pressed dials 911 automatically. Cell phones have GPS capability programmed into them. Pepper sprays and high decibel personal alarms are two other safety tools.

Check with your local police and attorney to determine what is acceptable in your community. In many places pepper sprays are banned. Whether dating or not other safety advice is never go anywhere unfamiliar alone. Your seat belt should always be worn. If you are ordered to go with someone with a weapon some suggest that you take a stand right away.

To become safe scream, yell, bite, or kick, do anything you have to do. Aim for the eyes and the groin. Take the heel of your hand and shove it as hard as you can into the assailant’s nose. This next thing is something to do in almost any situation not just dating. Never give anyone too much personal information, be careful about how much you tell them.

I remember when personal safety wasn’t always a serious matter. Over powering someone and covering up crimes has developed new methods. Keep yourself safe by always letting someone know who you are going out with and where you are going.

Different Approaches To Sexual Experience

Ever notice how men talk about 'having sex' while women talk about 'making love?' That kind of hits the nail on the head when it comes to how men and women approach sex. Men are pretty direct when it comes to sex -- they are arounsed easily, usually by visual stimulation, what they see. Women are much more complex, and require a more complicated experience to become aroused and take longer.

While that sounds simple, (and it is!) if you are going to improve your sexual technique, you must keep it in mind constantly.

So lets have a look at this 'more complicated experience,' and see what we can learn.

Women enjoy sex with more of their senses, touch, smell, taste, and hearing. Notice that I did NOT say sight. Women are aroused by sight as well as the other senses, but this is secondary.

Women love things like ‘taking your time’, ‘anticipation’, and ‘foreplay’ because they make the experience richer and involve more senses.

Lets look at a few of these in more detail:

1. Hearing. Women love to hear romantic sensual things. Notice that is sensual not sexual language. Women love love to hear you describe your feelings. Men are more direct and want to hear things like, "you are so big." Women like to hear things like, "your skin is so soft."

2. Touching. Women love to be touched and stroked. Stroking, cuddling, and touching is all great stuff that arouses women. Stroke her lightly with the tips of your fingers up and down her body, avoiding sexual areas. There will be lots of time for that later! Build up tension and anticipation.

3. Smelling. This could be scented candles or inscense. Women love smelling and being smelled.

4. Tasting. Women love to be fed all kinds of wonderful things like strawberries, sweets, and wine.

5. Sight. While generally women are not turned on by sight, most women love to look into your eyes. This kind of ultra-romantic stuff is a huge turn-on for most women.

6. Kissing. Kissing is a kind of touching. Our lips have tons of nerve endings in them which is why contact with our lips feels good. Make kissing an experience instead of jumping right in with your tongue! Lightly brush her lips with yours and then pull away. Keep doing this 'brushing' contact, and you will excite the nerve ending on both of your lips. Play with your lips lightly and gently.

Remember when you were learning to drive? One of the first things you learn is - don't gun the engine while its cold! Well sex is just like that!

The First Step To Getting Over A Breakup

Lately I’ve had a run of clients having a very hard time getting over the end of a relationship, so let me share some secrets with you about how to heal.

I have a client called Dorothy who’s struggling to let go of a relationship with a guy who she’d initially thought was perfect for her. When we first started working together Dorothy was really angry and frustrated that, yet again, she was going to have to re-build her love life. The one good thing about those feelings was that they removed any temptation to get straight back into dating.

The first step for any client I work with in this situation is to have them feel their feelings which is an essential part of the healing process.

Some people really struggle with feeling certain feelings. Some of us are easier with anger, others with grief. Dorothy was more than comfortable with being angry but was very reluctant to admit that her anger was masking her feelings of hurt and loneliness. Those feelings made her feel vulnerable in a way she resisted furiously. I encouraged her to explore all of her feelings by writing a ‘grief letter’ to her ex.

The Grief Letter

To write your letter take the time to explore what you are going to miss and what you aren’t going to miss.

- What are you angry about?
- What are you sad about?
- What do you fear this break up means?
- What was your part in the break up?
- What are you always going to love or appreciate about your ex?

This is referred to as a ladder of emotion and it’s great to write your letter in the above order. Feel free to use those questions as headers. That said if you need to keep coming back to anger then please do and then work your way back up the ladder again.

It’s important that you realise that you are never going to send this letter, this way you can explore being totally unreasonable and maybe even, what would previously have been, unbearably open about just how hurt you feel.

Explore these questions in such a way that you can feel all the things you suspect may be true even if you’d rather they weren’t. Write the letter as if you were writing it to someone who really cares about how you feel.

It’s really important that you take time to do this. Every time you leave a relationship there is a danger that you will suppress your emotions due to the pain and disappointment. That suppression continues after the breakup and makes you less attractive and can begin to limit your ability to love.

If you go through this phase of feeling your feelings properly then you’ll be able to reconnect with at least some of the love you felt for this person you’ve parted from. Not in a way that eats at you but in a way that nourishes your sense of having a life worth loving. If you’ve loved deeply once, then you can do it again. It takes work to keep your heart healthy and open but it’s very valuable work.

This is the first step in a process that can take anywhere from days to months and it’s a good solid first step. When Dorothy first began to be honest about how sad and lonely she felt she got scared about how overwhelming it felt. As if somehow she could become lost in the feelings or she’d never feel good again. This process requires you to acknowledge that your feelings are not something to be afraid of. If you’re feeling sad you are only sad. It doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with your life that must be fixed. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to just acknowledge that you do feel sad.

The end of a relationship is often the death of something you found to be beautiful for a while. That said, no matter how big your grief is, you’re going to get through it. You are far bigger than your worst feeling.

Two months on Dorothy has learned a lot about her self and one of her unexpected breakthroughs is that being alone at home no longer makes her feel like there’s something wrong with her. Suddenly being alone isn’t so scary and from this place she’s in a much better position to think about who she’d actually like to make a part of her life.

Feeling your feelings is the quickest route to healing and the only way out is through. Just remember that even your darkest minute is only 60 seconds long.

An Easy Way to Find New Love

Have you ever noticed that it is easier to attract a potential partner if you already have one? Have you noticed that if you are not really looking for a relationship a lot more people show an interest, but if you get desperate they run a mile!

At least that has happened to me sometimes and from asking around it seems to be quite common. Rather than just putting this down to some bizarre quirk of human nature lets look a the cause of this behavior and see if we can make it work for us.

One of the keys to finding a mate is to not particularly need one, or at least not need one 'too much'. I find that if I need a partner too much that can drive them away. However, what do I do if I really feel desperate?

Another quirk of human nature is that our nervous system has a hard time telling the difference between an imagined experience and a real one. You only have to watch an exciting or scary movie to see how easily we can fool ourselves. This is the key to never being desperate about finding a partner. If we want to find a partner, then the best thing to do is imagine we have one already!

If we imagine we have the perfect partner and get into feeling how it would be to have that right now, this calms down our whole nervous system. It gives us a feeling of being fulfilled and takes away feelings of desperation. Especially if we really get into details; what you will do together, where you will go, what will you say, what will they say, and so on.

Please bear in mind that I am not talking about 'yearning' for someone. Sitting around yearning for someone is very different from imagining you already have them. Yearning is a feeling of 'not having', which primes us to feel desperate. We need to discourage ourselves from cultivating feelings of 'not having' and encourage ourselves to cultivate feelings of 'having'. You can easily tell the difference as the feeling of 'having' is a much better feeling!

You may say that this is just a trick of the mind. Well, the feelings that come as part of the package of 'lonely yearning' are tricks of the mind too. Feelings of failure, or feeling that we will never find anyone, are all part of the imagination - they are negative imaginings. That is using our mind and our imagination against ourselves and training ourselves to fail.

If this all sounds strange to you, remember what top athletes do if they want to improve their abilities. They imagine themselves achieving a better time in the race, lifting heavier weights, having more stamina, and the like. They imagine how they will feel to achieve their goals. Athletes don't mess around with techniques that don't work, especially when a few hundredths of a second difference means winning or losing. Successful business people do this sort of thing too. They imagine success and then move ahead from there.

By imagining we already have the perfect partner, and how it will feel, we train our subconscious mind to start making that happen. And, because we are more likely to be mellow about it, we are much more likely to make the most of it when the next opportunity comes along. If you are going to try this, and you are willing to spend a few minutes on it every day, get yourself a nice big stick ready... you might need it to keep all the interest potential partners at bay...